Employee of the Month: Cyprus

Department: Head of Floor Operations & Asset Protection
Supervisor: Topher (Official Title: Cyprus’s Personal Assistant / Welder)

Reason for Excellence:
Cyprus has secured the coveted Employee of the Month title after showing an unparalleled commitment to laying perfectly flat on the concrete floor for 7.5 hours of an 8-hour shift. Management notes that his unique “obstacle course” approach to workplace design forces Topher to step carefully, drastically improving employee agility and core strength.

Key Achievements This Month:

• Tool Security: Successfully guarded the 9/16″ wrench by sleeping directly on top of it. No one could find it for three days. Absolute lockdown.
• Moral Support: Logged a record-breaking 40 hours of “just hanging out” while Topher did all the actual manual labor.
• Middle Management Vibes: Mastered the art of staring intensely at Topher’s lunchbox from across the shop, effectively motivating Topher to work faster so he can eat.

Employee Quote:
“Woof.” (Translated: “I will accept my bonus in carrots, and please tell Topher to stop using the grinder so close to my nap zone.”)

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